House Of Cards

It's funny how we can find ourselves sometimes just floating along through life. Building our future like a stack of cards. Placing one card delicately on top of the other. Baby stepping our way to something that seems strong and beautiful. However, when the slightest wind blows we find ourselves rebuilding... Somewhere we have to decide to do something different. Get away from the same rebuilding process that we have used for so long. For some it is simply pushing everything down. Others its giving the impression that they are processing.

There has to be a place where we stand bare and naked before God and allow him to show us what he see's within us. It isn't like he is examining us...he already knows every detail of our situation. We have hid nothing from his loving eyes. What we really need is for him to reveal to us what he see's. We need to see ourselves for who we really are. I remember the first time I had this realization. It was so difficult to swallow. I remember crying a lot during this time. Many people thought it was because of a season I had gone through...even though that did play a part, the even bigger part was seeing me for me and having to face who I was. I was naturally a really nice guy, I loved and cared deeply about people, and wanted to see them succeed. However, God revealed to me that I had so many areas in my life that I had shut off to him because I had been so deeply wounded by a person or an experience. He showed me all the people I had hurt in an attempt to protect myself and meet my own needs because I didn't believe he could. It was a very painful realization and at the same time so humbling. The next thing I had to do was to trust someone enough to share my pain and hurt with them. Make myself so vulnerable. I had my ups and downs at first. Learning to trust when you have never really trusted anyone is quite the experience.

I had so much work to do. however, What I have come to realize now though, having decided to trust someone and believe they want the best for me, is that I am in the best place I have ever been, in my entire life. I get to see me for the first time. All of me. Not just what I wanna let myself see. It is such an incredible place. It is that place of real freedom. Where you look at yourself for the very first time in all honesty and Go, "I really love me! And I am becoming everything I always hoped and prayed God would make me" You meet yourself for the first time ever. It is only from this place that you could lead anyone else into this great exhance.

It is what I now call the beautiful exchange....I traded all of me for God. It was and is still very painful at times. But I know who I am now. I know my heart. I know what makes it tick and how to keep it strong and accountable to God. I know the mandate on my life and in the secret place I am investing into it now. I know who I am and I can bring the very best part of me to this life with God. Who could ask for anything else? When everything else fades away and your left with just your mind as company? What do you see and what do you want to see?

This last friday Jason spoke at church and he made a comment that I love, He said, "You have to come to a place where the idea of pain doesn't determine your actions." Everyone has a painful place they must examine in their life. Those who truly live choose to exam it, and then there are those who do not. I am not saying life is the painful thing...because it isn't I love my life....but if we don't continually examine our heart and pursue it we will stop growing somewhere along the way and that is the greatest tragedy life can afford...is someone who stops believing they are teachable and have room to grow.

We are responsible for the outcome of our life....